yesterday was a nightmare.
i wished we had more time to prepare for your wake.
i wanted it to be one surrounded by your favourite things. to have guitars strumming in the background, to have coldplay on repeat mode, to have your friends pay a tribute to you in the way that you deserve. i wanted to bake you a cake, in return for the many times you baked for us. i wanted to sing a song to you as you lay there, but all i could do was cry that you were gone. i wanted all the time in the world to stand by your side and look at you sleeping there like all the times you slept on the bench outside the med library, instead we all couldn't because there was a schedule to follow. i felt angry. angry that we didn't give you enough when you were around, and we still couldn't give you enough when we were gone. in the end, all i could give you was a bouquet of roses that i hope you liked. i hope they brighten ur days up there, along with the guitar we bought you and the comic book lying next to you.
i need time to get through this. but everything else is moving along and school doesn't wait at all. i feel like i want to put everything off for a while, but i can't. in the end, i feel pressured to continue with work and all, but my heart's just not into it. it feels so hard to smile, like it just takes too much effort. then again, i don't really feel like making the effort at this point in time.
still having difficulty accepting this, we all are.
"wobbly wenbo". remember you introduced yourself as this during the 1st day of medicamp? it was the first thing i heard you say to us. i haven't forgotten it, and it was the only description i remember to this day.
i wished you hadn't wobbled out of our midst.
but now that you have, i wish for you to wobble into a beautiful place with your dad accompanying you. and i wish that you're smiling down on us.
we love you, we miss you, we won't be forgetting you.
thanks for the joy.
+ serene @ 10:05 PM
* [ serene ] r e m e m b e r s again * 10:05 PM
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