seriously man...i'm so disappointed with some stuff that happened today...makes me really wonder why the heck i'm do the things i do sometimes. it's like, even though we try to do things altruistically, but sometimes, just sometimes we just need a little appreciation, just a little pls. was holding back so much i wanted to say today, how hurt i felt by certain things today and the past weeks or so, but really just couldn't be bothered to express it out. after all, what's the point man...better to just turn away and just give up trying to care, unaffected by what people do or do not do. sensitive? perhaps. but it's really hard to just leave things at that and just not feel anything inside, or more unbelievably still, feel happy inside. dun really wanna hide how i feel either, for that would just be hypocritical. and when u're just plain hurt, all limbic activities go away and you're left with just plain emotions in its rarity.
but then it's also because i really expected more than this heck-care, who-are-you attitude. i thought better of you, gave you a lot more credit than this. i really did. of all people, it had to be you. and you. never would have expected it before.
damn angsty post, but i've been harbouring it inside for a day, and this needs an outlet.
thank God for little things that cheered me up today. for yanping, who was so nice abt everything, for lovely steaming hot spring rolls from the canteen store, for unselfish, hip-and happening anat group mates that make me feel so warm and encouraged inside, for lovely and productive study session with dear at spinelli and delicious apple crumble pie that just melts in your mouth. for all these that just takes away the unhappiness of the day, and makes me think again that people are still worth the giving.
" You have learned that they were told, “Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.” But what I tell you is this: Do not set yourself against the man who wrongs you. If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn and offer him your left. If a man wants to sue you for your shirt, let him have your coat as well. If a man in authority makes you go one mile, go with him two. Give when you are asked to give; and do not turn your back on a man who wants to borrow." - Matthew 5:38-42
i've still a long way to go before i can become the person God wants me to become, and i'm ashamed of that. today was one of my trials and i guess i've partially failed this test today. hard to turn the other cheek when one cheek is already smarting with pain, it's like opening yourself up for more hurt and more unhappiness. but i guess i just need to trust in His word more and follow His word more and learn how exactly to do that. so looking on the brighter side, today and certain recent events have been good lessons to learn from, and despite all the unhappy feelings, glad to have this particular trial that i believe will mould me a notch further into what God wants me to become. :)
+ serene @ 12:40 AM
* [ serene ] r e m e m b e r s again * 12:40 AM
was great meeting up with kaihan yesterday for this birthday gathering!! and seeing ian there too :) thanks kh for the invitation!! heh it was fun and stress-relieving singing kbox once again...gosh haven't done that for the longest time...i dun think i've ever not sang for so long before!! and yupyup ian, we must must organise a gathering with laoshi soon...hurhur kk i think i'll try to book her after our pros. :) miss her loads man...she's just such an inspiration :) haha everything i can't speak fluently in chinese, i feel so guilty towards her man :)
missing jc days very much at this moment. the simplicity of everything, just living in ignorant blissfulness from day to day, and just being able to look forward to school everyday. i just wanna grasp that feeling again, but then again, i think i was quite lucky to have had such a beautiful 2 years.
not that medicine isn't wonderful in itself. it is. doing something i love surrounded by beautiful-hearted (and beautiful:)) people around me, sitting in the canteen being entertained by certain people of their exploits in thailand hurhur...it IS almost like jc times, sitting in the canteen bumming around with my favouritest class of all time, or ghim moh lunches with bird droppings flying into wilson's ice kachang. Almost. still, something's just different, and perhaps i know what it is.
if i could choose, would i choose to just live in those uncomplicated days again? perhaps i would, if i could. but all of us have to grow up one day and move on, however much we want to live in the past. inevitable.
perhaps i just...
and perhaps one day, i might find it again.
and life would be beautiful once again. :)
+ serene @ 4:18 PM
* [ serene ] r e m e m b e r s again * 4:18 PM
haha yaaay so glad chingay is finally over!! even though it was fun :) thanks leo and bo for coming down to watch!! :) heh it was fun waving to a familiar face in the crowd, though morbidly embarrassing as usual *grinses* wah some of the kids are so so cute man....love them!! so happifying! smiled at them till my cheek muscles (erms masseter i think?) cramped up...seriously!! it was stuck in that position for like a minute or two while i continued waving and massaging it at the same time...hurhur scary man :)
eeeks my chinese-speaking ability is really really non-existent already!! was speaking to my tutee's mom in chinese just a few moments ago, and trying to explain that i had a family gathering tmr, and just found myself totally lost for words!! arghhhh laoshi would be so sad man!! this needs work :) haha tuition today was good..found out that my tutee is rather the softie!! he was telling me he had watched "i not stupid 2" the other day, and was complaining to me that all his friends were heartless cos they didn't shed a single tear, while he cried a total of 5 times during the show!! wah about the same as me liao *grinses* haha wheee never knew he was such an easily touched person, and not afraid to admit it! :) interesting new discovery of the day, along with my discovery that a-level physics has seriously deserted me sheesh. PHYSICS!! i can't believe i'm teaching him this particular subject, especially after i swore to myself i'd never touch the subject again after a-levels man....arghhhh the horrors of the past are coming back to haunt me!! and then when i pleadingly ask him whether he has any chem or maths questions, he very evily tells me that NO HE WANTS TO DO PHYSICS!! hahaa arghhhh :)
sighs stressed man...exams soon again...help me....
+ serene @ 9:20 PM
* [ serene ] r e m e m b e r s again * 9:20 PM
i am
ant writing revived
sunny
valerie
j(ad)ed
crys
jen
ili
emily
hon
yihan
shuwan
milly
kaihan
pam
chiara
serene (lee)
shishi
clarissa
hongking
jingjing
yaozong
huileng
zhiyin
christelle
sabrina
rosie
the tucksombong gang! :)
tzeyeong
audrey
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